Fanfiction

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 21:21:24 GMT

Panic At The Disco They had been on the road for a week now which really wasn't all that long in terms of what their schedule was. It had been a blur of different venues, screaming teenage girls, junk food and watching reruns of the OC and musicals. Brendon had been as hyperactive as he usually was and insisted on singing along when Ryan watched Moulin Rouge. Ryan was as quiet if not more so than usual and spent most of his time click-click-clicking on his Sidekick or scribbling in his almost illegible handwriting in his battered notebook. Spencer spent his time in a battle against Brendon playing Halo, it had become an addiciton for the two and also a competition that had become the topic of not a few conversations. Jon's time had not been spent productively either as he'd just spent time watching Spencer and Brendon's daily battles and the musicals that Ryan liked so much.</p>

The best thing about this tour, in Jon's opinion, was the fact he got to play to large crowds every night and spend weeks with his best friends. Although one of the best friends in question had been acting strange, even more so than usual. Ryan had been so quiet which wasn't all that unusual because it was just his nature but he rarely spoke now and it left Jon feeling bemused. He'd tried to talk to him this week but all he got were one syllable answers in return and no eye contact whatsoever as he was either too budy on his Sidekick or preoccupied with the TV.

Lately Jon had been feeling like Ryan was lost to them all. Yet he didn't want that, not at al. In fact he wanted the complete opposite.

"Hey Ryan," he smiled as he sat down next to him at the back of the bus, "what's up?"

"The usual." He mutters without taking his eyes off the TV.

"Dude, you're ok, right?" He asks, adopting a concerned expression.

"Yeah." Still no eye contact. This just makes Jon more worried and he doesn't know what to do. Maybe Ryan just won't speak to him? Maybe he would rather someones else was their bassist or that he could have Brent back?

His insides suddenly twist violently at this thought. There's a weird feeling he can't quite place. Maybe the whole band doesn't want him there, maybe he shouldn't be here, maybe.

The bus now felt like the last place on earth he should be. He got up and went to his bunk, closing the curtain behind him. The notebook that Ryan bought him for Christmas is there and a melancholy mood overtakes him. Picking it up, he fishes around in his bunk until he finds a pen. Not one word has been wrote in it yet. The white paper stares back at him as if taunting him for not being as creative as Ryan is, maybe that's why he thinks that he isn't right for the band. All the things he's been wanting to say, all the pent up emotions he's been holding inside come pouring out onto the paper. His pride is restored if only for a moment as he proves he can be creative and he can write what he feels even if he isn't as good with words as Ryan is.

Why is he trying to prove himself to Ryan? Is it because he wants to show him that he is good enough for the band? Better than Brent was? Or is it something else that he's not quite ready to admit yet?

The curtain to his bunk twitches opens and he turns his head to acknowledge whoever it is. He sees Ryan looking apologetic and is he nervous?

"I'm sorry." It spills from his lips but Jon isn't sure what he is sorry for. He tilts his head slightly in confusion.

"What are you sorry for?" He asks sadly as this feels like a conversation you have when you're about to break up with someone. This hopefully isn't like that, Jon would devastated if he was fired. "I'm being fired or something?"

"Just-Wait, what?" He sounds confused and his face backs up that theory. Ryan sighs and shakes his head. "I'm not firing you, why would you even think that?"

"Just lately you've been really quiet like there's something on your mind. I just thought it might be, y'know." Jon sits up, propping himself up on his elbows.

Ryan's teeth worry his bottom lip as he looks down at the floor. "That isn't what's been on my mind."

"So I'm still in the band and you guys don't resent me for taking anyone's place or that I lack the creativity that you have?"

"No, I mean you took the place of someone who didn't deserve it when you did. As for being creative, you are just as good as you seem to think I am." Ryan smiles shyly as he looks at Jon but still doesn't look him in the eye.

"That means alot coming from you. You guys are the friends I never though I'd find. Especially you." Jon confesses and Ryan's face drops noticably before the smile is pasted back into place. The mask has been perfected so his true emotions are not visible usually and this is to save people the disappointment he fears they'll feel.

Jon clambers out of his bunk and stands facing Ryan who keeps looking at the floor.

"Ryan, you can talk to me. I'm here for whatever you need."

"You don't understand. It's just-It's not-I can't okay?" Ryan sighs and walks away from Jon, going to the back of the bus.

Jon knows that Ryan is a guy that needs his space so he leaves for now to collect his thoughts. He will speak to when Ryan is ready to.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everyone is preparing for the show. Ryan is perfecting his extravagent makeup, one blue stripe across both of his eyes with black lines on his upper lids. Pretty isn't the right word but it's the first word Jon thinks of. He realises he's staring when he catches Ryan's eye in the mirror. Ryan immediately flushes and looks away and Jon stands up and walks out of the dressing room, standing against the wall in the hallway. He doesn't know what he's getting so worked up about, it was one look, just one look and he felt the need to walk over to Ryan, place his hands on his hips and run kisses down his the length of his neck. Ryan is a friend, he can't feel like this about when Ryan's straight, when he himself is straight. Or so he still tells himself.

Spencer's head pops out from the doorway of the dressing room and smiles at him. "We're on in about ten minutes, you almost ready?"

"I'm ready now. I'm not like those girls in there with their makeup. I'm the dude in this band." He smiles to showing he doesn't mean it. He's not that type of guy because why does it matter if someone wants to wear a little makeup?

When the band is finally ready to take the stage the screams of thousands of girls violate their ears and Jon sends a wry grin in Brendon's direction as he shrugs and walks onto the stage.

The shows goes as well as usual if not better. They play as if this is their last show and even Ryan's melancholic mood improves during the course of the show.

Jon watches as Brendon goes to Ryan's side of the stage and leans in as if to kiss him. An anger he shouldn't feel courses through his veins and he wants to go over and drag Brendon away from him. Ryan pulls away and catches Jon's eye for the second time that evening. A look of surpise crosses his face as he sees Jon sending murderous glares in Brendon's direction.

Jon shakes his head slightly and looks at his bass. His feelings are getting the better of him.

The shows ends on a high as their last song is performed more spectacularly than any they've done in a while. To Jon it seems as though their personal state of minds have not affected the overall show which is good for them because if the shows reflected his mood, it'd be doomed as a failure.

Walking off the stage, he hands his bass to his tech guy and heads in the direction of the bus only to find fan girls are determined to accost him. After signing what feels like a hundred autographs, he finally steps onto the bus and heads straight for where the beer is kept.

The first swig of beer of the day is always the sweetest, Jon thinks, especially when you feel like does. He's already onto his second bottle of beer when the guys come onto the bus after being mobbed by fans.

"How the fuck did you get on the bus so quick?" Spencer asks. "I just had to sign a million autographs."

"Me too dude, join the club." Jon says as he rolls his eyes. Brendon just grins at him and then looks at Spencer with what he hopes is a challenging glare.

"C'mon dude, how about I go kick your ass at Halo again?" He puts his on hip which doesn't serve to make him look like a fearless competitor.

"Okay, I guess this is what my life has come down to. Playing Halo with this douche." Spencer smirks and Brendon just grins like a madman as they make their way over to the console.

Ryan just stands there looking awkward for a split second and then makes his way past Jon and to the back of the bus without so much as one glance in his direction.

This how the rest of the night goes until after Jon has had his 5th beer in a row and has found some hidden courage to carry out this compulsion he feels to talk to Ryan.

At the back of the bus Jon sees that Ryan is frantically writing in his notebook and for a split second his courage dwindles down to zero. Before his minds comes up with reasons not to talk to Ryan he sits down beside him, "Hey."

"Um, oh, hey Jon." Ryan murmurs as he looks up from his notebook.

There's silence as both of them are contemplating the outcome of this conversation if they both say what they want to.

"When Brendon went to kiss me like he usually does in the show, why did you, like, I don't know. You seemed angry to me. Has he done something to upset you?" Ryan asks.

"Don't act so naive Ross, you know why I was angry. Well it wasn't even anger. It was jealousy." Jon knows he doesn't sound like the nice guy he usually does but he needs to say this and this is the only way it's going to get said.

"You were jealous of me, because Brendon went to kiss me instead of you." This isn't even a question because Ryan really believes he's right. I mean, there's Brendon Urie who is totally loveable and then there's him, a quiet and plain kinda guy. He wants Jon to have been looking at him and not Brendon but he knows that isn't the way things happen in his life. Not ever. Tears prick at his eyes and Ryan knows he's acting like such a fucking girl.

"No, I wasn't jealous of you. I was jealous of Brendon. I thought this time you might actually kiss him and I wanted to fucking-" Jon stops because Brendon is a good friend to him and he shouldn't be like this. Especially when Ryan wouldn't want him. Not ever.

Ryan's eyes widen at this confession. "You were jealous of him?"

"It's really that much of a surprise to you? Ryan you're so beautiful that I would've thought that was obvious. I know you're straight, I know that, but I can't help how I'm feeling at the moment. I think this is the confession that will probably mean you'll want to fire me now, fuck." Jon puts his head in his hands and sighs.

"I like you too." Ryan mumbles.

Jon takes his head out of his hands and looks at Ryan incredulously. "What did you just say?"

"I said I like you too. That's what's been on my mind lately. I knew I couldn't tell you because I thought then you just up and leave the band and I didn't want that. But you ended up thinking that I wanted to fire you." Ryan goes back to looking at the floor.

Jon's hand finds it's way to Ryan's chin which he tilts up so that he's actually looking at him for once. There's on a couple of inches between them and Jon is the one that leans forward and closes the gap. Ryan's lips are so soft it's unfuckingbelievable when Ryan actually responds and runs his tongue along his bottom lip. Jis tongue smoothly slides into Jon's mouth and explores as Jon moves his hands so they're holding Ryan's hips. Those sharp hipbones that he wants to leave hickeys all over.

When they need to breath and pull away, Ryan still looks surprised. "You really like me?"

Jon rolls his eyes at this and smiles. "No dumbass, I just made out with you because you're in a band."

Ryan giggles and then presses another soft kiss to Jon's lips.

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HayleyRobot

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